


In There, Somewhere

by GuiltyLaquer



Category: David Bowie (Musician)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Purging, Reader-Insert, Self-Harm, yeah sorry this is grim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29106480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuiltyLaquer/pseuds/GuiltyLaquer
Summary: You and David have been together for a while. You’d promised to always stick by his side, though that is getting progressively more difficult.
Relationships: David Bowie/Reader
Kudos: 6





	In There, Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is bad. It completely romanticises eating disorders and self harm, though this is just kind of a personal vent. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
> 
> If eating disorders or self harm trigger you in any way, please PLEASE don’t read this
> 
> Also the reader is gender neutral here.

You were so in love.

This incredible man. You adored him with every fragment of your being. His charm, his humour, his kindness... you’d never seen anyone like him.

And not even to mention his beauty...

And somehow, it all people, he’d fallen in love with you.

It was a warm afternoon. You had been shopping at Kensington market earlier today, and then met David to have lunch in the little cafe the two of you adored.

You loved sunny days like this. Days where the golden sun would catch in your lover’s hair as you walked along, arms linked, picking out the strands of copper and amber and making them glow.

You would look at his face as he spoke, facing forwards. His side profile was beautiful — his smile was so bright and infectious, as was the suggestive grin he gave you once you’d finally returned to your flat. 

“Will you _ever_ ask me to marry you?” David smiled as he caught your hand on your way out of the kitchen. He twirled you around, before pulling you into his arms.

He loved touching. He needed affection to thrive.

“Do I need to?” You giggled. “We’ve been living together for years, and I love you... what else do we need?”

“A big, obnoxious wedding ceremony, and loads of babies.” He grinned, kissing your nose gently. 

“Mm, don’t know how I feel about babies...”

“Then we don’t need them.” He winked. “I’m quite happy with just you for the rest of my life.”

“Really?” You teased, playfully patting his bum. “No other side hoes?”

“No.” He shook his head. “We’re happy, we’re healthy... It’s perfect, my love!”

Obviously, it was no fairytale. You could see how stressed David could get over work and do many other things — he was a real worrier.

But you would always get through these things together.

No matter what happened, you’d both fall asleep beside one another each night, snuggled up.

Until a few months later, when David’s mental and physical health had been dragged into a landslide due to stress, and drugs he was taking to try and manage the stress.

And you’d just had to sit and watch as the person you loved the most lost himself more and more each day, died a little, slowly destroyed himself.

You’d had to watch as he developed a rather nasty drug habit that just got progressively worse and worse until he became delusional, slicing his arms up impulsively while muttering about how he had to get the demons out. 

You’d tried to help.

You’d had to watch as he stopped eating...

And what could you do?

— — —

“David?” 

You stood in the doorframe, sighing softly as you saw your once energetic, witty, passionate lover in the same state he’d been trying so hard to break out of for the last six months.

Only now, he’d stopped trying.

Laying on the sofa, pale as a sheet, absentmindedly playing with a bit of loose string on the carpet.

“Can you hear me okay?” You went and sat on the floor beside him, and he nodded slowly, eyes blankly fixated on the bit of string.

It was early afternoon. The pale light that seeped through the half-closed blinds accented David’s gaunt, skeletal face. His eyes were sunken and unfocused.

You asked the same question you’d asked him every day since this had all started.

“Can I make you something to eat?”

It just kind of rolled off the tongue now. You never learned anything new with David anymore — you always knew exactly what he was going to say.

“No thank you.” He muttered. His voice was hoarse, unfeeling and dry. It was like you were talking to yourself sometimes.

“Really?” You protested a little, something you didn’t usually do. “I mean, not anything at all?”

“You know I’ll just throw it back up again.” He said nonchalantly.

You couldn’t force him. You were hardly any better yourself.

You both sat there in silence for a moment, and you felt so utterly helpless as you heard David’s stomach growl.

“Can I see how your arms are doing, please?” You held out your hand, and he seemed to have to exert tremendous energy in order to flop his arm into it. 

You ran your thumb over the few cuts that were beginning to heal. He hadn’t let you put a bandage on him, or even clean the wounds properly — He’d just shown his erratic cuts to you one day, expecting you to prevent him from getting blood poisoning. 

“They’re healing.” You said softly, giving his arm a squeeze before resting it back on his chest. “Well done.”

“Mm.” He tilted his head ever so slightly so that he could look out of the window into the bleak sky.

Silence.

You did sometimes think about leaving him, but then you’d think back on all those beautiful times you’d spent together. That couldn’t go to waste...

“You don’t have to stick around anymore, you know.” David muttered after a while, small voice seemingly massive in the silent room. “It’s just hurting you.”

“I’m not giving up on you-“

“Why?” He finally met your eyes, and to be honest, it scared you. 

The life was totally gone from them. His body was just a shell of the person he was.

“Because I love you!” Your voice cracked slightly as you said it. “But... But here you are, refusing to eat, cutting your arms to pieces... I don’t know what I have to do!”

He hesitated, before rolling onto his back and gazing up at the ceiling.

The answer was inevitable.

“Leave me, I suppose.” He muttered. “Whatever we had... it’s not there anymore. I’m going to die, and you’re going to live.”

“But I don’t _want-“_

“Me neither.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not leaving.” You sighed, leaning your back against the sofa, facing away from him so he couldn’t see you cry. “Because I know you’re still there. Somewhere.”

“Perhaps.” He sighed. 

You let your tears fall silently, longing for the days where the two of you would be dancing around this same room while laughing about the silliest things, making impossibly big plans for the future that you were just _certain_ would happen...

Though you smiled a wobbly smile as you felt his spindly fingers gingerly stroking your hair in a tired attempt to comfort you.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any weird requests to fulfil your guilty pleasures, comment them. I’ll write anything


End file.
